I think I've lost interest in updating this thing, but I won't stop updating. Sometimes this is the best thing there is for me to let out whatever I'm feeling. Anyway, I have been mad at Katie the last few days cause of something she did, so today, we finally talked and everything came out.

alex says: i don't think i have ever hurt you the way you have hurt me and i have never let you down like you have me either

katie says: no but its the fucking fact you have made me feel what ive been missing out on. you have changed my life so fucking much that i swear to god you have no fucking idea. you have changed me. and i cant stand it. i cant stand knowing that everything i want isnt at all in my life and i cannt fucking get it. i just hate everything. because you made me feel something at one point that i felt i could fly and i lost that when i lost you. and its never beeen the same.

She blames me for feeling depressed because not being with me has made her this way and she can't ever be happy like she used to without me. And Skye tells me (like 2 days ago) that she has never really been over me. of course she's sad about that since I don't feel the same but what's a guy to do? I'm tired of hearing my ex girlfriends bitch at me & just people in general. I have feelings too, you know? And it makes me wonder sometimes if they even think about how I may be feeling. I just want to tell them & some other people off but every time I'm about to, I just back off, because I don't want to hurt them. They take advantage of that.. maybe not on purpose but still. Nick told me the other day that I just had to tell them to fuck off so they won't walk all over me anymore, and as much as I agree with him, I don't think I could ever do that. I said to him "I don't think I even want to be like that". He just shrugged and called me a dumbass. Yeah he's cool like that, and that's why he's my best friend.

I have always hated to be the cause of someone's pain. I guess that's why I always think twice about what I say and the way I act. Why can't others be the same towards me? It'd be nice for once, you know? Katie always says stuff she doesn't "mean". She tells me to get out of her life sometimes and then after a while she says she didn't mean it. I hate that about her. I hate that about all people who are the same, because they simply don't care how their words and actions are going to affect you.

Anyway wow, this entry is long & it sounds kinda depressing - but I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just a little frustrated with some girls. Haha that sounded....silly. But yeah. I'm a happy person right now (aren't I always?!). And uhh, in other happy "news"... or funny rather, Jeremy & Chan said that Steph "mouth raped" me today, because of how she put her hand behind my head (she runs her hands through my hair sometimes) when she kissd me. Haha they're funny. My girlfriend flipped them off after though :D But yay for being mouth-raped! My guy friends are jealous :D

PS: I love this layout cause I love Lifehouse and yeah. <3

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